Aphorism 13

water is life, and oil is made of dinosaurs and the 45th president of the USA is a reality TV star. These are facts.

Aphorism 9 

sorority and frat names sound like Star Trek characters who end up sleeping with Kirk.

Aphorism 3

Religion is like a penis, nothing wrong with having one but hide it when you are around people’s children.

Aphorism 1

I had sex with a model in lingerie, why she insisted I wear her lingerie I will never know.