Three Napkins I Scribbled My Soul On

Recently as I was filing my chaotic pile of notes that clog my writing desk I came across three napkins with sporadic red sharpie on it. I remembered that last summer I was at a huge party to see a friend’s band. In a fit of something I have yet been able to describe with words I wrote down this stream of consciousness on the materials available to me, which as I said were a sharpie and napkins. I read the gibberish on them and decided that they offer a good look into what is going on in my head, constantly, all the time, every day. Even at a super fun raging party filled with stuff I like.

What is the point of all this,

What am I doing here?

What is the point of these kinds of gatherings,

Is there even one?

Perhaps that’s the point.

The goal.

The goal is to have no goal, no aim.

Just release.

Freedom.

Sigh,

Why am I so deep in my own head?

Why can’t it just shut off

And just be tonight?

Probably the weed?

Who care, it

Doesn’t matter.

I am enjoying this.

I am enjoying streaming the

River that is my thought

My consciousness

Onto these sheets of scrap.

Who cares, do what you love,

Fuck the rest.

“Freedom.”

Now there is a word that is bastardized by the right.

That is what reactionaries do.

They just take words.

Words,

Words that matter, words that are important,

Words WE need.

and they bastardize them.

This is what went on in my head at a fun party, full of drinks and weed and good friends, yet this is what was rushing through my mind. Maybe it was just the effects of being so goddamn crossfaded that night, but I don’t think it was, because even without liquor or weed in my system this is what is constantly ringing in my intuition’s ear. This is what my mind is doing all day, every day, without stopping.

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The Greatest Cruelties

The Greatest Cruelties lie

in cordial anonymity.

Cruel cordial anonymous

signatures.

Shock and awe, terror

and pain be felt shocked

and scared.

Scared of only the unknown

when it is a joy.

It is a real joy,

yes this joy is

not some illusion, it is

real,  real because I

have felt it,

in thought

and body.

I felt what has long been eluded.

True so it be called.

Joy.

6/9/14

I am My Mind and One are Three

I am my mind,

One are three,

Sense is none,

Our Dreams are real,

Our talks are waste,

Our vaudeville is dead,

Our wives are prudes,

Our Husbands are daughters,

Our Sons are whores,

Our pages are dead,

and everything

is a satire upon

a joke upon

Irony.

HA!

3/27/12

Listen to this Moment and Every Moment: How all is and can be one.

What does it take to get the human mind to end its constant veracious speed?  The human mind is constantly active, constantly working in ways that even when we are aware of it we barely understand.  

Yet there is a problem.

Humans are effort minimizers and euphoria maximizers.  We want the reward but we don’t want to put forth the effort that comes with that reward.  

What do we all want?

We all want a society that transcends hate, that transcends the needs for self medication, for violence, for exploitation of both our planet and our fellow beings both human and non human.

We want to see a world where profit is meaningless, yes we all need profit to a degree in order to eat and survive but profit should be about what profits all of society as a whole, not just one individual.

Those who say they do not want these things are either in denial or they are the ones doing the exploiting, and sometimes its both at the same time.  These people don’t want to change things because they fear the change because they have something to lose in the change.  At least they think so.

As Marx said however, “You have nothing to lose but your chains.”

The same goes for sexual liberation and the one sided views of modern sexuality, we all want to be in touch with our sexuality and those who say they don’t are also in denial or exploiting sex for their own benefit.  They deny a gay couples right to marry so they can feel more established in their own concrete sexuality when concrete sexuality is an illusion, you are not more established in your own marriage because you deny marriage to others.  You simply are buying into the illusion of dichotomy.  The idea you have to feel “us against them” because you fear what unity with people as a whole would be like. This fear comes from the fact humans have never been truly united as one and because the idea of true unity, true peace is so foreign we cannot believe it is possible.

I am here to say it is possible.

I am here to say at this very moment, all of these moments of bigotry, exploitation, lethargy, and apathy can be stopped.  How can it be stopped you may ask?

I do not know, perhaps if I listen to what you have to say because you have listened to me we can create a dialogue and find out how to stop these matters?

There I think I found an answer, we need to just listen to each other more.  If we are right we will be proven so by the words themselves.  If we need to prove we are right the chances are we are more wrong than we can imagine.  

I have nothing to prove.

I know everything I have stated and every question I have asked to be true.  

If you disagree with me, tell me.

I will listen.

Because I will not grow, nor will the world around me grow, unless I listen to what you have to say.  When I listen I try to understand, when I try to understand I am more inclined to try to help.

If the same is not true for every human being, then there is a greater problem that we as humans have yet to acknowledge.

An Ambiguous Personal Truth : Part V

No innocence

was left behind

So clear such a

head

of such trifles.

Another of a nature

and part or

a generation

can’t stop

of a world

and wave

all a part of a

wave of a

a shock and

an awe

and a place and a way

and as always

it goes on.

All this and still no return

and no soul

in a 21st century mind.

6/30/11