Dear Fellow Self Proclaimed Male Feminists, or, How Not to Be James Deen

So anyone who has passed puberty & has an internet connection is aware of the current rape scandal & fall of porn star James Deen thanks to the bravery innitiated by Stoya.

What is especially troubling about these mounting accusations is that Deen was popular amongst men and women for being a self proclaimed sex positive male feminist.  The gruseome details with each accusation do not make such men appear as the legitimate progressives they claim to be.  Lane Moore of   Cosmopolitan   wrote an article which basically said a male feminist can just be a wolf in sheeps clothes, a cover for more nefarious purposes, which means women must be warry of men claiming to be their allies.  As if it weren’t hard enough for women to trust the people in the world around them, now they have to be even more careful trusting the people who are actually claiming to help.

I consider myself a sex positive male feminist, and the more men use cultural constructs to perpetuate unneccesary dominance the more divisive the issue of feminism will become and the more women will be unwilling to work with men to solve the issue.  No one is done any favors when a social movement is exploited for personal gain.  

Listeningto the different perspectives & frustrations on the issue, I think it is the job of male feminists to stop trying to dictate feminism as anything further than equality.  You can be a male and feminist, but it is the job as men in the movement to listen to women before we act and above all be genuine in what we say and how we act.  That is the most important thing.  Be genuine in what you say or do. mThe chances are you will not always be 100 on issues concerning women or objectification.  I may be a progressive but I am a male who is a product of the society we live in, and I am still undoing several moronic ideas about women I used to have.  But when I falter I assure you I do my best to shut up and listen.

I will say it again.  To use a movement for equality as a way to perpetuate any kind of dominance or manipulation is sickening.  I am doing my best to be genuine and listen, and hopefully I can learn what I can do to help foster change better and faster.  This will not undue the damage done by men like James Deen but it is something that we can in fact do here and now, and therefore have no reason not to.

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