The Ponderings of Memories Clenched 

To wit and be not known

and strength.

See to wit,

and matter disproportioned,

in ever lasting concept.

What times do we live in,

when our young read stories of their no future.

What now done for our children,

what now done

in dialogue for truth and politic.

Another build up of hope,

or just more foreplay?

There is never a hero in a necktie,

remember that.

But we still need a horse to pull the chariot

that we call country.

The post modern game of thrones,

and it is still the people who pay the price.


The old song, and expression

The old song,

The way we get by,

old lost memories,

riffs of old stagnent references,

a present support group

effcient disfunction,

there is no universal truth to these words,

but yours,

therefore there is.

Therefore there is,

there is a soul to all,

there is unity and connection to all,

and that is where love is born.


Forbaren Soul and Love not Lost, but Changed.

Forbaren soul,

lost again insight unseen,

yet not,

merely changed,


The stars tell me nothing but my date of birth,

and the direction slaves did walk.

Soiled old souls,

now bitter, with hate, forgotten of the parental struggle.

The trial of every generation

are the lessons learned from each one’s prior.

A balance of failures and victories,

and always, it is the people who die.

Ah yes, the old return,

the repeated theme and cliche,

it is her beauty,

and I am her folly,

her wanton regret and trial of choice.

Yet I do not concede my love,

I merely forfeit to change, 

for I love her,

I will forfeit to change.


Why I hate Hilary Clinton but would still vote for her, and yes hate is a strong word, that’s why I used it.  

Hilary Clinton used to sit on the board of directors for Walmart, she was silent on all issues involving LGBTQ rights until recent years, she was sec of state & a senator both for only one term while Sanders has been a mayor, a congressman, and a senator. The only thing I remotely agree with her on is gun control & equality for women, but tbh, fuck the Clintons. Bill is an asshole and Hilary is an opportunist and if we elect her it will be the same as Obama, sure some stuff will kind of change and the culture will shift, but there will still be a lack of necessary corporate legislation. and regulation.

But sadly enough, I will still vote for her if she does defeat Sanders.  As much as I will not be excited about it, we can’t have another republican president, especially when everyone of their candidates is more embarassing than Bush.  The republicans are an international joke of homophobes, willfully ignorant, gun loving racists who will further attack a women’s right to choice.  Compared to Clinton, their evil is vomit inducing, her evil is no worse than the standard political insider evil.

But I do hate them both.

That being said, repeat this mantra with me, SANDERS 2016! SANDERS! SANDERS! SANDERS!

Yes, Josh Duggar is a prick, and I have more important things to worry about ( a rant)

Omg, yes Josh Duggar is a POS & I feel bad for his wife blaming herself, but the more you attack him the more you are distracting from a real dialogue. Talk about the fact he isn’t in jail for molesting his sisters which personifies our rape culture, but don’t waste your time savoring this celebrity tabloid crap. While we are fighting about the Duggars, there are still people being denied marriage licenses despite a supreme court ruling and women in Somalia are getting their genitals mutilated. Okay? think about that for a minute.
Seriously, no one of any respectable merit actually respects or takes the Duggar’s seriously anyway.  The people who do are idiots like Mile Huckabee or Michelle Bachman, two people so deep in denial in the closet they are finding christmas presents.

That being said, I really do feel sorry for his poor wife.

Solidarity is one clusterfuck intersection, or, White Privilege, Transphobia, & N.W.A

I recently saw Straight Outta Compton and LOVED it, personally it has rekindled my love of hip hop and I have been on a 3 day long binge on my favorite songs and albums.  But of course not without some biting of my lower lip.

As a progressive, I do have to be real about the world of gangsta rap, something that I love because it describes the reality of our society in the most brutal of ways.  While my white male privelage does prevent me from ever knowing what it is trully like to live and survive in places like Compton, what I can do is empathize with struggle.  I feel my whole life has been nothing but struggle and my relation to hip hop and rap is derived exactly from that, a hardened expression of the struggle.

However as I said, as a progressive, one cannot listen to things like gangsta rap or NWA without being honest about the matters it deals with that are in fact not at all progressive, or are even anti progressive, such as the antiwomen, the homophobic, or even transphobic lyrics of people like Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, and Eazy-E.  The recent film has been appraised for telling the truth about the black male struggle of our culture, and in doing so reveals an intense disparity regarding these other issues.

The response and critisism is usually the same, and usually comes from the same people, self identified progressives who say they do support the black experience and struggle in america but then get angry with the whole black community because of the realities presented by groups like NWA, namely mysoginy and homophobia.

I am teacher, I have taught in Compton on several occasions and yes, the sexism, transphobia and homophobia there are so disgustingly rampant that its depressing and my attitutde has always been to be frustrated with the black community despite the fact I support it in so many ways, like reforming our police forces and investing into intercity education, but I would genuinely get angry with my students for purpetuating hateful, negative attitudes of people who are also oppressed by the structure of our society.

But after watching Straight Outta Compton, I realized something, it is pointless and racist to be mad at black people for transphobia or anti gay lyircs or mysoginy because it ignores the realities of what people in places like Compton are actually going through.  Think of it like this, when you are dirt poor and you have to worry about whether or not the police will kill you, and your child, for doing nothing but being a different skin color, you aren’t thinking about anyones sexual liberation or gender equality, you are thinking about survival.  When all you think about is survival you become hard, that is the reality of Straight Outta Compton.  The reason there is not more understanding of issues like these in the ghettos is because the truth is it is a place of privelege to be able to liberate your identity, via gender or sexuality or otherwise, because you dont have to present yourself as hard to the world.  To survive in a place like Compton you have to be hard to some degree.  That doesnt mean you have to pack heat and go around gangbanging, but if you present yourself as anything but hard you make yourself a target, and when you are a target in the hood anything can happen.

Now I am not excusing the attitudes of artists like Cube or Snoop, but I am also not going to ignore the hypocrisy of so called white progressives who blame black communities for perpetuating a lack of understanding when they themselves perpetuate a lack of understanding to the struggles of living in the hood.  Solidarity is a 2 way street, yes more people in the black community should acknowledge that people like Bruce Jenner, Laverne Cox, and the women of their community are just as oppressed.  But those of us outside the black community must understand that when you are worried about police murdering you and protecting what you have, day in and day out, your mind isnt in a place to seek the liberation of others.

That being said, I’m going to bow out, read what Laverne Cox most recently posted on instagram, while blasting NWA, gangsta gangsta is at the top of the list! 😛  (actually, its Fuck the Police)

But remember, we must all be more understanding, and I do mean ALL OF US!

Trash of the Gods. Chapter 4. Literature, and the Finger Slipped

Robert and I were enjoying ourselves at his house, smoking weed and crushing and snorting Vicodin. Andy’s friend Ian had gotten into selling, and he not only had top shelf weed at $10 a gram, but he had Vicodin, ecstasy, and every once in a while my favorite, psychedelics.  
One Saturday Robert and I were enjoying a good bender with the stash we had scored on Friday, while washing it down with Robert’s usual supply of Jack.  
As our buzzes took us to other levels, our conversations drifted around the contexts, purposes and meanings of the works of Danielweski and other avant-garde writers. 
“Dude, I’m telling you you gotta read more Vonnegut,” I said, after a bump of painkiller.
“yeah?” he replied, before he took his next line.
“Yeah, I mean danielwski is great because he really manages to use his layout of the text to make you feel whats happening in the novel, and palanhuick has the graphic gore and horror thing working for him, but Vonnegut keeps,” I paused rattling my high brain for an eloquent way to word this,” a tone that’s bizarrely casual about all these parts of our society which are dark, human, real, but we don’t really talk about them. Kinda like porn.”  
That was when i had one of those self-aggrandized moments of stoner genius. “Dude!” I said, giving him a smack on the shoulder as he took another bong rip. his reply was to make a fish face as he exhaled, pretended to look pissed at me, then stuck his tongue out at me before collapsing and smiling, laughing together.
“But seriously,” I continued, “I think thats why this character of his, Kilgore Trout, writes in porn mags.”
“why?” replied Robert.
I paused for a moment, terrified by the reality of the situation, before the pot kicked back in and I stopped taking the situation so seriously.
“I don’t know, I forgot,” we laughed again and did more lines of pain killer.
Apparently as this went on, Andy was on the opposite side of town, drunk, with some other guys, wasting time in a parking lot. Blunts and bottles of jack were passed around for hours, when Andy, decided apparently to show off his new toy.
After forgetting the glock was loaded, it went off. Andy had shot Ian, our new dealer, who was a recently graduated senior at my school, and a prominent eagle scout to. Andy had waved the gun around, until it went off and caught the poor guy in the chest. He had a bright future ahead, just a few bad decisions and community college classes to work through.
His brother was a sophomore who used to smoke weed with us sometimes. We never saw him again after this.
I didn’t hear about any of this until monday. But apperently andy had made a stop at Robert’s house after the party was ruined by his butter finger. He had to dump his entire supply. Robert accepted eagerly. 
Andy was picked up the next day. He got manslaughter, 15 years. Robert got the heroine.
I wouldn’t see much of Robert for a while after this.