Kim Jung Un, the Fat Sad Bully From Elementary School

(Insert Deragatory Picture of N. Korea’s Supreme Leader Here)

In the midst of another cliche purge by a newly appointed dictator, Kim Jung has killed his aunt, uncle, and his top military advisor among several others.
You remember that fat kid from your school, you know the one who was kind of a POS but you forgave the fact because they were just fat, kinda pathetic, and just sad, but then they grow up and they are still a whinny asshole?  Well, that’s what I think of when I think of North Korea’s “supreme” leader.

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Dear Fellow Progressives, Remember It’s Not About You

The chains of hatred are always present where there is disenfranchisement.  Whether it is perceived or real, there are always seeds of bigotry in places where the people have a long history of subjectification for the use of those in power.  

Despite being oppressed by the same forces, the people in these groups play into the game of oppression by division.  There is homophobia in the inter cities of Los Angeles’s to a point it can only be described as an epidemic.  In the gay community there is frequent misogyny.  The same white men who are used to keep the status quo blame their fellow victims for perceived advantages in their existence within other oppressed groups, when instead they should be blaming the very people manipulating them into doing their bidding.  There are women who blame all men instead of the few who are fucking things up for everyone, and within all of these groups there are negative attitudes towards women and transpeople even within groups of women themselves.

We always like to believe these people are the minorities misrepresenting the majority of the people within their group, who even if they demonstrate ignorance will usually demonstrate tolerance.

I have always considered myself “intolerant of intolerance,” and as such I brought on a sense of self confidence thanks to the fact I would not let racist, sexist, or homophobic actions be tolerated in my presence.  In other words, I felt like I confirmed myself as a good person because of my reactions to external stimuli.

This was a mistake.  Instead of looking within myself, instead of finding the roots and causes of my own sexism, racism, or generally intolerant ideas.  While I have always considered myself a progressive, as you can see from the general tone of this essay, I had confirmed this identity through confirmation of my reaction and the reactions of others of intolerant acts.  Again, this is a mistake.  We cannot make any real progress so long as we don’t channel and navigate the hate and negativity within ourselves.  The reason I sought confirmation from the external in these situations was because I failed to do exactly as I mention above, I had not navigated and answered the questions of my own negative thoughts.

I have had racist, sexist, and even homophobic thoughts in my past.  But I felt as long as I had people around me, seeing me resist intolerance with intolerance, congratulating me on being so adamant, I felt confirmed that I was in-fact the opposite of the person I had just humiliated and established as a good human being.

The error in this is not only seeking my confirmation of my self from the external instead from the internal, but it also prevents any true progress from being made to unite all oppressed peoples against this seemingly invisible enemy that tricks us into division.  It is simple to see that keeping the people divided amongst themselves allows the rich and powerful to go to the bank with minimal interference.  But the falsehood of establishing confirmed identities always prevents any true progress.  

It is all well and good to be vocal about feminism, gay rights, or the new Jim Crow and anti immigration use of our prison system.  It is important to be vocal about inequality, but when you do it for the sake of establishing yourself with the identity of someone who stands against inequality, you are robbing us all of true progress.  To remove the hypocrisy of this we must remove the idea of the self from the equation of inequality.  When you attempt to act against inequality for the sake of the valor you are benefiting from the inequality as the oppressors are.  

Do not do things for the sake of establishing an identity as a rebel or as a tolerant being, just be a tolerant being.  It’s okay to be vocal and stand up to acts of hatred but don’t do so for selfish means, and only do it when it will actually accomplish quenching the hatred.  We cannot begot the hate with our own hatred of hatred itself.  My hatred of hatred did nothing to stop hatred itself but only inflated my own ego of being someone who stands against hatred.  I shouldn’t add the needs of my own identity to a place where the issue is not fixing my identity as a white straight male but the fact that my fellow beings are suffering, being robbed of something that is a privilege to me but instead should be no one’s privilege but the right of every single human being.  I am writing this with the hope that I will hold myself accountable by not holding myself to anything at all.  I will not do things to establish my identity as a white man who stands against hatred.  I will simply stand against hatred and will always welcome a dialogue and perspective from those most effected by these issues with the hopes I can come to an understanding with myself and my own hurtful and hateful thoughts and actions.

This must be the goal of everyone who has this privilege, do not buy into our masters game and use the privilege you do have blame those who have no privilege for the few things your privilege lacks.  Dialogue and an absence of hatred and attempts to abandon prejudice coming into these dialogues is the start, but where we cannot abandon our prejudices we must at least acknowledge them and ask ourselves how do we transcend these conditionings.  That is the beginning, that is where we finally stop seeking confirmation from the external and find our answers internally.  It is only here, when we navigate the negativity from within us can we find answers to the negativity outside of us that effect all of us as a whole, and not just individually.

That is the ultimate goal, that is the ultimate message of these words.  While epidemics of hatred are more inclusive than the acts of hatred themselves plague our society, blinding us to the intersectionality of all our oppression, we cannot forget we perpetuate this oppression when we use the oppression to create our own identity.  We are literally doing exactly that, exactly what the enemy does, we are USING OPPRESSION for our own means.  Do the right thing because it’s the right thing, if you know and are comfortable with who you are you don’t need the confirmation of self that comes from acting progressively.  Just be, channel the negativity within ourselves, answer your own questions before stomping out answers for others, and then and only then can we as a planet of beings make any kind of progress as a whole.

Why I Am Not Excited About Hillary Clinton, Despite Being a Feminist.

It’s not enough to just vote for the first woman president, just because you vote for a “historic” candidate doesn’t mean they’ll change shit, look at Barack Obama.  Race and gender don’t compensate for the fact people like Obama or Hillary Clinton are political insiders, inbedded with the same people and corporations who create our problems.  Don’t legitimize a vote for Hillary because she’s “lesser of two evils” if neither party represents what you believe in don’t vote for either one.  You don’t owe anyone a vote if they don’t owe you a candidate who actually represents what you believe in. The system is supposed to work for you you’re not supposed to work for the system.  Unless Hillary says she’ll fight for the environment, legalized marijuana, taxation on wallstreet, end the privatization of education, public option healthcare, & stand up to corporations/institutions like the NSA we are going to just see more of the same.  As of now I am voting for Bernie Sanders, as much as we need to elect a woman president we need to focus on policy before we focus on shallow externals such as race or gender.

The Story’s Answer Epilogue

I am waiting 

for a show

that will give me no answers

only ideas,

but what comes with

ideas?

Perspective,

new soul,

satire of the ex

soul,

ex self,

self,

not self,

know the self,

to remove the self?

Does this make sense?

Do humans look for

philosophy by nature?

Is it pertinent to

the human condition?

Some say philosophy

is dead,

well science is a

philosophy.
So take thy nature

and shut up,

fuck off,

to always put on a

show, to always

dictate some kind of self

to be bon self

to be self again,

my words are trivial,

but to me therapy,

to some nothing,

to me everything,

there is only one thing

to seek,
No,

I am wrong,

There is a one,

we are all

and 1.

Balance,

something we all

forget,

we all forsake

find,

and forsake

again, this is

word,

This is thought,

This is action,

This is balance,

This is redemption

but only by self 

until a profit is made.

To be charity

is to be selfish?

Damn Wall Street!

Damn capital logic!

It bares no question,
No questions

means no self,

no self means

slavery.

No more slavery,

no more of this torture,

external,

internal,

nor in between,

no more of this,

my body seeks out,

but my self, idea,

it only seeks in,

and not,

ah paradox,

you are my only

friend,

my only reprise,

redemption,

self,

idea,

and etc.

I only try,

at least I did,

it is now about

action.

Pitiful words,

intrigue, interlude,

It is no embarrassment,

to hell with 

the self indulgence

of self hatred,

it bares no truth.

The clock strikes the hour I dread,

Anthems I try

to forget ring 

again,

I only ring out

of boredom,

Another forgotten

anthem,

Sure, shedding of self,

superimposed,

self withdrawn,

ideal, or deal,

revealed,

ended, static,

consistent thoughts

aren’t crazy or

inconsistent if 

it’s a poem,

The world shows 

its true self

soon,

it ticks on,

the night marker

is barren,

but holy,

prepare yourself for

what the night

brings,

and what it doesn’t,

no more rage,

it is a waste,

I am not who bore

my fruit and seed,

I am me,

but I am.
The introvert extrovert,

if such a thing exists,

I am that,

I am this living paradox,

I am, I always

have been, and I should have

known,

should have known there 

is always an unknown,
So eager to finish,

yet always so sad,

so weary, so full

of hindsight,

so full of withdraw,

I will escape, the 

times withdrawn,

post-haste, and

evil exist

again.

Relativity does not 

mean no existence,

The most refined of orders,

yet slovenly all the

same, retributed

return,

Its time to bare minimal

knowledge,
And minimal knowledge

in minimal space, in

little reality, no

more self, and a

Moved self.

What is responsibilities reward?

Is such cramped space

worth any reward?

Any fruit? Any marker?

To know people care,

To know one matters,

To know self, and 

be so lucky.
Is it luck, or knowledge,

to know luck itself?

Another mark of 

drunk and foreign

wisdom,

of trivial matters

he is right,

sitting around

brings no fruits,

I should thank this

drunk

for his wisdom,

I would gladly escape

my midnight hours,

to a place of drunk

paradise.

No more turning heads

just for the sake of it,

no more self,

but only my self, I only

bare truth, but be late 

for required fault,

and fall,

I will make the most of

my final hours,

I will tell her all

and so will she,

for those whose terms

and labels are mixed

or do not exist,

you are due justice,

you are due truth,

It is not justice,

nor truth to be 

forsaken or

forgone,

I am here because

of choice,

I will always be here 

because of choice,

I am only here for

that,

I am tired of being

selfish, I am tired of

the selfish, the hours

pages, and ink all run

thin, I must make 

these hours count,

even if they are for nothing,

The narcotic influence,

the people, the atmosphere,

why is this what drives

me?  Why does this

inspire me? Is not

what I endure an 

inspiration?  But why?

because it is yourself,

it is history, it is 

truth,

it is a self,

it is my self.  And

I love this self.

This self has purpose,
This self, has meaning,

gives meaning, and even

escapes meaning.

I am here only as my

witness, only ever as

witness, but no, because

you witness my word

and wind with deliverance

not nor ever due 

others.

The pages and ink grow

thinner, with each

page, and ink I leave

a self, a page, an

hour a mark a minute

a self a way a word

a deed or act and

action.

This is my gift,

for you and for self.
It comes to its close,

Its due, its hour,

Its mark, its fun,

Its word, its deed.

My work, my due, my deed,

my word, my self.

The clock strikes midnight,

It has come due.

The ending,

The filler, the word,

the deed, I am only

as fortunate and strong as

my word, self, and page,

this is my story’s answer,

This is the story’s answer,

I am not your contemporary,

I am your witness,

but I am both.

I am my own story’s answer,

for all I am, is my self.

2/15/13 – 9/7/13